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For starters: “My butt must look amazing right now.”
Doggy style is dope. It gives you just enough personal space while hitting that G-spot like a boss—and gives you easy access to get your rocks off with your digits (or a S3@.x:’ toy if that’s your thing).
But, despite our best efforts, our head is not always focused on how damn good it feels. And if you’re a gal who likes to bow-wow-wow-yippee-yo-yippe-yay, you probably know what we mean.
Here are 12 thoughts bound to enter your brain when someone enters you from behind.
There really is no greater angle for your backside. Large, small, round, or flat—everybody’s shape shines when they’re on all fours.
All lady lumps look like udders when they’re poised for doggy style, and that’s a fact. Thankfully, nobody’s really getting the full visual on milking season.
The beauty of this position is the freedom to not lock eyes—but isn’t the occasional glance appreciated? Oh no! Neck cramp!
‘Cause nobody’s looking to get a Pen.!s shoved into a hole that wasn’t prepared for it. Dude, just stay in the designated bone zone, please. (Find out what anal S3@.x:’ is actually like from women who’ve tried it.)
Sometimes we find it S3@.x:’y to push our face right into the pillow, but that also leads to drooling because we’re humans. Just know there’s going be some serious condensation on these linens post-coital.
We’re vulnerable, we’re being penetrated, and our ass is on full display. Even the tiniest of verbal affirmations would be appreciated.
Not all women like their mane yanked while they’re getting boned from behind. But for the ones who do, he better bring his A-game. The gentle tug isn’t going to cut it. Grasp it like the S3@.x:’ god you probably think you are, man!
This speaks for itself. Is there anything S3@.x:’ier than a dude grabbing your waist as he thrusts? Thank you for this romance novel moment, sir. (Get ultra-intense org@.$ms by doing Kegels with these Luna Femme Training Beads from the Women’s Health Boutique.)
Doggy can go from amazing to awkward in a millisecond. When we said harder, we didn’t mean human jack-hammer mode—we’d still like our cervix intact after this.
Sure the mattress is better than the floor, but either way we don’t want to flare up an old high school basketball injury due to an intense S3@.x:’ sesh. If you want to bust out some actual kneepads, maybe our stamina could be extended.
When we’re on all fours and you want to squish (so to speak) us down even more, we’re game. But let us gently ease into that R-rated yoga pose. Nobody’s limbs are made of rubber. So take it easy, Stretch Armstrong.
We can’t always tell when we’re not looking at you, but it sure sounds like you crossed the finish line. And, while it was fun and all, we can only take so much before we’re ready to stand upright again and have a snack.